Greetings to all!
As I reflect over the last couple of months, I have been a busy soul; from working, to grad school, running my non-profit, and living the life as a pageant Queen; the newly crowned Miss Alabama Plus America 2015. However, the journey has been nothing more than amazing for me! I have met and created magnifying relationships with some beautiful and amazing women and men.
As I have reached a resting point along the journey, I wanted to take some time to share the story behind my journey as well as to encourage and inspire others to share their story. For our past is just a story and once we realize this, it has no power over us. The things that we experience in life is not so much about us but it is for us to help someone else.
To some, my life may seem so well put together; but the reality of it all is that I am beautifully broken and gracefully healed. As a young girl, my life was no different than that of any other young girl in today’s society. As a result, I became Hurt, Empty, and Resentful (H.E.R.) but it was through the healing process that I discovered the ‘I’ in identity and found the ‘U’ in my value; transforming me into the woman that I am today, Happiness, Empowered, and Restored (H.E.R.).
By sharing my story, I hope and pray that you will find the courage to share your story.
I was H.E.R. now I am H.E.R.
Here I stand
Face to face
With the reflection in the mirror
Tears of sorrow and depression
Longing for succession
Deprived by rejection
The rejection of love
The emotional connection
The physical embracement
And the power of protection
Saying hi without saying goodbye
Damn, I hated you when I was H.E.R.
Hurt, Empty, and Resentful
Lusting for Love
And searching for attention
That could never compare
Now I am nine,
Cutting my eyes
And full of sass
But these thoughts of suicide clouding my mind
Cutting my wrist and swallowing pills
Until I was eleven,
He wanted what was mine
Now, I am pregnant at the age of twelve
But he said ‘It’s not mines’
Here we go again,
Deprived by rejection
The rejection of love
The emotional connection
The physical embracement
And the power of protection
Saying hi without saying goodbye
Damn, I hated you when I was H.E.R.
Hurt, Empty, and Resentful
Time went by
But still no hi
Until fifteen,
He raped me twice
And I cried
Wondering why
She took his side
And I did not lie
He took what was mine
And my family too
Praying to God
But is He really listening
Does He hear my cry
At Sixteen, I hid the pain
Lost in love and feeling no shame
The threats
The games
I paid them no mind
Until a friend of mines carried his child
Trying new things to clear my mind
I lost all hope
And the crowd went wild
I lost some friends
And fell into sin
Sleeping with him and her too
Lusting for Love
And searching for attention
At twenty-two, I chose her over him
Serving my country
Fighting my conscience
Slowing becoming one with who I became to be
Gasping for air while she strangled me
Is this love or God punishing me
To fall for another
I lost all of me
Helping her gain clarity
And rejecting me
But then, at twenty-seven, I met H.E.R.
Happiness, Empowered, and Restored
Rededicated to Christ
And living in Grace
No more lusting for love
Because it lives within
God has a plan for me
Inspired by rejection
And Blessed with the emotional connection
The physical embracement
And the power of protection
Look in the mirror, what’s In Your Reflection?
Please, don’t let your story have power over you; instead use the power in your story to inspire and encourage others.
Be Blessed!
JessNicole